Copyright © 1995-2003 Christine and David Stevenson

Why Dom - Sub? part 2

A bit more discussion by David Stevenson.

Scientists now say that this overwhelming feeling of adoration is the direct result of Endorphins released in the brain when the process of attraction starts. It is quite common for people to become literally addicted to these Endorphins in the same way as the brain becomes addicted to other substances like alcohol and nicotine.

The clear difference is the Endorphins are produced within and may be more difficult to control. You can throw the cigarettes in the bin and pour the whisky down the sink, but stopping your brain 'turning on' to someone is not so easy. Especially if you enjoy it.

It can become a major problem if the only way of feeding the addiction is to turn on to someone new. It could be a positive advantage, perhaps even keep one forever young, if the object of attraction is one's permanent partner; and if she constantly 'turns you on'.

It is my belief that the desire to worship the love object was also something one encountered in adolescent 'puppy love'. The first girls one found attractive inspired one to write love letters and declarations of undying love. One was afraid of the giggles of other girls and the ribbing of one's peers, but nevertheless those first experiences of love were accompanied by a pleasure pain sensation of complete adoration and worship.

Today the sensation of lust surging through my body is somewhat similar physiologically, especially when it is maintained for long periods. One's whole body experiences the kind of pleasure pain sensation that falling in love produces.

There is also a kind of submission involved in 'puppy love', for boys, and perhaps for girls too. At least it was that way for me. The desire to swear undying love and devotion. The power held by the girls to reject and or ridicule one's adoration. The power to grant you the favour of their attention.

I find a direct parallel between this phenomena and the phenomena of the dominatrix, sex bitch, or goddess.

As an adult, similar to the child; one does not want the ridicule of one's peers when one swears adoration to, or worships, a woman. But one feels that if the public were to find out they would surely think one kinky or perverted. The classical image of the dominatrix sexually and provocatively attired is the excuse to commit to her, because of attraction, desire or lust! Her power to reject and or punish is similar to the power of one's 'puppy love object'.

The desire to worship and adore is validated by her demand that she be the object of worship and reverence. All of this combined with sexual arousal and lust makes a powerful bio-chemical, emotional, and psycho sexual mixture. It is no wonder that for me, the perfect woman, is now the cruel prick-teasing bitch who demands that men worship her. The woman who declares she is a goddess!

There is nothing quite like the feeling of worship, of adoration, of reverence for a goddess; And that is what I feel when the woman I love demands my worship, my submission, my grovelling. When I believe that she truly wants and enjoys her power over me.

I have discovered this through the long and partly unconscious search for a woman who would validate my feelings. Initially through kinky sex games with my first wife, and eventually in a seventeen year relationship (so far) with one woman.

Each experience has taught me a little and opened up more questions. Gradually I have come to know myself more fully and have become a happier, wiser and more stable person. (But then so does almost everyone as they age?).

Some of that knowledge and wisdom is profound and is directly attributable to understanding my own and others psychosexual nature. There is one point however that I have failed to mention, which in recent years I have identified in myself. I think I can say with reasonable certainty that the desire to dominate a woman is not simply the repressed flip side. While one found the woman who rejected me sexy, and enjoyed her cruelty, she nevertheless had to take the blame for the rejection. She had to become the stuck up bitch, in order for me to accept or positively enjoy the rejection or cruelty.

The rejection is no fun if it is total, for then there is little evidence that she is enjoying it. One wants to be liked as a person but rejected or abused sexually. One does not want a relationship rejected, one wants a relationship in which she abuses her sexual power. Respected as an individual but hated for one's maleness, or simply treated with contempt because she likes to treat men that way.

So by convincing myself it is women's fault that I cannot get enough sex, I satisfy an emotional or psychological need. But I can honestly say that I have never encountered the same intensity of feeling as a dominant as I do as a submissive. Because, I believe, the Endorphin rush, the desire to adore and worship, the prolonged unrequited lust, are all missing.

It is not simply a question of getting enough sex. Even if one has plenty of sex it is never as intense as when one needs it desperately. Frustration, desire and need intensify the experience. Permanent service to a goddess can maintain that sensation at a kind of semi permanent fever pitch. Whereas a permanently available and willing female to suck one's cock could become as boring as masturbation.

I have found that fantasies that involve my complete freedom to use a woman for my sexual needs without requiring her permission are only psychologically attractive. They rarely do the same for me physically. In fact, in role play the more obvious she makes her pretence that it is against her will, that she has not granted permission, the more exciting the fantasy.

These are only fantasies, and may have always been there. It may be the subconscious repression of these as a young boy that caused me to flip into being submissive. The civilising process of education may have made my needs seem socially unacceptable. Or it may be that the submissive tendency has through years of enjoyment created the person that would now enjoy the reverse.

Power is an element in the attraction for me. The female power to reject. But with years of experience it is now possible to see that male power to enforce holds a similar (but still not comparable) level of excitement. I believe the truth is that one's civilised conscious mind will not allow one to abuse a woman without her permission to do so. But it is also true that only through such abuse can one gain evidence that permission has not been granted. An irresolvable paradox perhaps.

I also believe that in the submissive role the male gets a degree of physical closeness. In worship he gets the scent of woman to heighten his excitement. Whereas in the dominant role he can less easily find the reason to kiss her feet, or elsewhere, especially if she is not aroused. So today I am a person who enjoys the impression that women are deliberately cruel to me, because they like to show their complete lack of respect for men.

Equally I would enjoy being able to indulge my own fantasies of complete disregard for a woman's feelings by spanking her and enforcing my attentions on my tearful victim.

Fortunately the paradox is not completely irresolvable. In being submissive there is inherent permission to maintain the length of contact without forcing one's attentions on an unwilling partner. For me it is much more preferable to be the abused. As I think it is for all submissives.

Only if one's partner was a submissive female would permission truly exist to prolong the activities.

Our computer program is designed to help those women who, because they care for their partner, want to help them enjoy to the full their sexuality. The woman who is a natural dominant or submissive may not need this program, but it may stimulate her imagination.

The male submissive almost certainly will not need his imagination further stimulated, but will enjoy it nevertheless.

Primarily, my input to the program is a guide, designed to help my woman become my image of perfection. But it will, I hope, help other women become the image of perfection for their own lovers. At least for the time they permit him to be the abused.

They may not always want to, but then they do not have to use the program. I may use the word 'should' frequently. Should is a word that would not be present in an ideal relationship. Ideally their needs would be similar and no-one would feel obliged. Where I use the word 'should' I mean no obligation, I mean that only if she actually wants to try to become his ideal should she do as I advocate she 'should'.

Compromise should be present in all relationships. But fantasy is not about compromise, it is the expression of an ideal. Compromise is the reality which follows the understanding of your partner and his or her fantasies. Hence the fantasies and techniques that are in our popular computer program.

David Stevenson.

Copyright © 1995-2007 Christine and David Stevenson